MsTiara’s Thoughts

When you hear that I have died, think of this.

Think of cool nights breezes while you walk to meet your friends for a beer on a Thurs­day. Think of wak­ing up in flan­nel sheets on a snowy morn­ing and kiss­ing some­one you love. Think of hung-over diner break­fasts and the best cup of cof­fee in the world. Think of the sound of tires on seamed high­ways while you travel, think of French kiss­ing and leather jack­ets and push-up bras and bour­bon, think of the joy of hard work with friends. Then think of me.

Not sad, not the melan­choly soli­tude of empty skies, but the full days and crowded bars and signed con­tracts, a smile too big for my face, remem­ber I said I stay busy enough to fit three lives into one. When you hear that I have died, know that I want laugh­ter, and danc­ing, real danc­ing, to music that makes you move with­out think­ing, you’re wear­ing boots and jeans and a great t-shirt and won­der­ing if the girl at the edge thinks you’re cute. And you moth­er­fuck­ers had best DANCE, none of this bull­shit rock-nod hands-in-the-pockets shoegazer non­sense, no, make an ass out of your­self, feel your hips, kick off the high heels and sway on the shoul­der of a stranger, when I die, you’d bet­ter be laugh­ing your ass off on side­walks, eat­ing deli­ciously unhealthy food, drink­ing shots and tip­ping your bar­tender well no mat­ter how much money you make.

And Adam has to read the poem he wrote, and Laura, and June, and Scott Car­pen­ter has to play “Don’t Go Away, Chloe”, no fuck that, every musi­cian I’ve ever made out with or video­taped or road-tripped with has to play, so drink some cof­fee, baby, it’s gonna be a long night. When you hear that I have died, the best thing you can do is to get laid that night with a com­fort­able stranger, use my story to get their sym­pa­thy, and when you kiss them for the first time, think of me then.

When you hear that I have died, and you will, remem­ber your best revenge is to live well, take risks, save up money and chase your per­fect hap­pi­ness. Beat the sys­tem and learn to make your art really sup­port you, craft into some­thing your audi­ence can’t live with­out. Then make the world an even slightly bet­ter place — stop throw­ing your cig­a­rettes on the ground, vote in the next elec­tion, graf­fiti your life on the eyes of the hungry.

Then just do me one last favor. Please. Love some­thing. Any­thing. Start with your­self, but find pas­sion in every­thing, from an apple pie to a novel, make a fam­ily, get a degree, walk what­ever path is yours with your chin up and feet planted firmly. Have the best sto­ries to tell in the old folk’s home, about life­long friend­ships and epic love affairs, about the time you lost every­thing and yet found your­self hap­pier than when you began.. and remem­ber that time we got in SO much trouble…

Poets.. remem­ber. This is the story that never ends. When one of us leaves, another walks through the door. The pages turn, the sun keeps ris­ing. All you can do in the mean­while.. is to speak for your­self. Raise your voice high, tell your story, join hands against the dark and sing our souls to the sky. Know the best in me comes from the best in you, that as you tell your story, you will be telling mine, and our lives will be linked together for­ever, and every­one who hears you will become a part of the change we make.

So when you hear that I have died..
just ….live.

–Gabrielle Bou­liane

So after spending the last 2 weeks hounding my local Sony Retail Store, the DSC-TX7 arrived.  I spent over an hour playing with the TX1 and the TX7 comparing the two and trying to decide if the new updated features was worth the extra 90 bucks I was going to shell out for the new camera, I must admit it was a hard choice as Sony had just discounted the TX1 all the way down to $319 which made it a very sweet deal when looking at the $399 price tag of the TX7.

The picture quality was amazing on both and the entire reason why I was looking to buy a new camera was that the Frames Per Second (FPS) was driving me crazy on my old one.  Let’s all admit that we live in a instantaneous society and that shutter delay is too long in today’s world (even though it was quite fast in the old days).  The interesting thing about the FPS is it is really using the video aspect of the camera rather than the still picture.  You can turn on how many FPS you want (High, Med, Low or off) and it will start ‘recording’ to take the picture.  Then you have a whole series of shots in a row.  I must admit it is taking me awhile to get used to this concept, but at the same point I am getting some pretty amazing quality shots which would take awhile to get other wise.  However, when I turn the camera Burst interval to off, the cameras software starts to kick in to take a picture.  The special flash to help with red eye, the ability to select the focus of your picture by using the touch screen and yes in this situation if I move the camera to soon I still get blurry photos.  But, the quality of the photos and the focus is once again surprising considering the fact I am using a point and shoot camera which fits in my pocket.

The touch screen - boy am I spoiled these days.  After using the iPhone and now the touch screen on the camera I am starting to consider a touch screen monitor system for my home computer.  It just makes sense.  Have two items in my view screen and I want it to focus on the flower instead of the person?  Just select the flower and that becomes the focal point, click the button and it looks like i have spent a lot of time catching a shot using special lenses.  The person starts to move the camera actually follows the face of the person so that the shot is perfect.  Quick, efficient and crisp and clean pictures.

The ability to record movies in 1080…  This is the new latest and greatest element of the TX7.  I still am not sure if I will ever use this functionality.  But after playing with it and seeing the recordings (with voice) and how quick and easy it is to now capture movies, I may change my mind.

The reason why I went with the TX7 instead of the TX1 is that the minor modifications made to the camera just made it a better usability experience (The focus knob, the mic on the front, the updated software).  I also knew that this was going to be a camera that I was buying for the next 3 years so I wanted to make sure that it would be able to take me through the change that the electronics industry was going through.

So how much was the total cost in the end?

• $399 for the camera
• A case
• An extended warranty
• A 4 GB memory card

and I walked out of the door for $630 dollars.  How does that end up happening?

http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/index.php/site/comments/tempted_api1/

Tempted

One of the things I like best about fiction is being able to rewrite. It allows you to fix all your mistakes with a clear-eyed 20/20 vision that real life rarely gives you. But just because you can fix the “mistakes” does that mean you should? We had deaths of characters early in “Bullet”. I cried, I got depressed, I put it out on the Internet, and let all that emotion spread. Not sure if I’ll do that again, by the by, but once I did it there was no taking it back. So since I have already shared, I’ll share this moment, too.

I am in the very end game of this book. I feel that we need some extra scenes earlier to set up the end. That’s fine, it happens. I’m rereading the book here and there searching for where to tease the cloth of the book apart enough to insert that new thread. I come to the scene I knew I’d need from the moment things went pear-shaped for the characters. I know I need one short chapter here. But it occurred to me that if I change things just a little, then we can save the deaths, the injuries, and so much, but even as I write this I know I can’t. I know the fight must stand as it is. Maybe I can save the last bit, the very last part, and make it not so depressingly final, but I’m left wondering why I’m so tempted to bring the dead back to life, and make the foolish smarter so that everyone can live?

Am I doing it for my characters and this book? Or am I doing it because I went to a funeral this week,a nd watched people I love grieve? If I had not seen another family member in a coffin this week would I be so tempted to save the lives of my fictional friends?

I don’t know. In a way a writer can never know what part of their real life impacts the writing the most. You can make guesses, and sometimes it becomes painfully clear. I’ve had that moment of clarity so bright and sharp that it is squirmingly painful. That therapy moment when you realize what issue you’re working on paper and why your character did that, and what dark bit of your own psyche needed it done. I’m more at peace with those moments than I was years ago, but still I usually know my motives after a book is written. I don’t remember questioning my motives before a book is finished before, not like this. So, I ask myself, if the funeral hadn’t happened this week, just Thursday, would I be this tempted to rewrite the book and bring the dead back to life?

I still don’t know. I do know that one of the reasons so few people that are emotionally important to my main characters is a direct result of my own early losses. I have had enough real death and loss in my life that I love the fact that in fiction I can save people. It still isn’t done consciously though, it’s just the way my muse and I roll. It works for her and me. If I change this scene and save people it will be a conscious decision to save the day. If I do it you, the readers, may never know where the scene was and what I changed, or who didn’t die. But I’m not sure that my own emotional wounds are enough reason to save my imaginary friends after I have already gone through the grief. We saved one of them early in the book and that was the very one that caused the extra carnage later, so in trying to prevent death I made it worse, made it a higher body count. Is that my lesson? That sometimes in trying to save one life, you risk more later? Or is the lesson, that I’m human and I’m allowed to have all these emotions. I’m allowed to be bothered by real life grief and I’m allowed to find ways to comfort myself. That would be true.

I’m just not certain where my own emotion leaves off and my responsibility to my imaginary friends comes into play. I’m not even certain which master saving the lives would serve; me, or my world? I will read the scene after lunch and that will decide me. If it reads well, I will let it stand, if it reads badly, then I may rewrite it. I have never been so conflicted about my own writing before. There is a part of me that wants it to read badly so I can have the excuse to rewrite it. Maybe that’s why God chooses to limit himself/their-selves in our world, because if They did not they would be rewriting around our own free will so often that time would stop and history be only theory. Free will is a wonderful gift, but in real life as in the imaginary one it can also screw a whole lot of things up.

I was so excited that we were finally going to see the fabled iTablet in all its glory, the device that would change my world and allow me to have my computer with me wherever I go.  I could watch movies, surf the web, read a colored magazine and even make coffee.  Sigh…  if only…

1.5 lbs my friends -  That is an awfully heavy device to hold in my two hands for long periods of time, carpal tunnel is my friend and the surgeons are all excited about the new clients they will be getting.

10 inch monitor - hmmm…  sounds wonderful, 10 inches of LED touch screen beauty!  The movies, the newspapers, the magazines…  But, it won’t fit in my purse, it doesn’t fit into my pocket, and now I will have to have a computer carrying case for it.  There goes my dreams of carrying it everywhere for instantaneous use.

1ghz processor - Oh the things I can do with a 1ghz processor, like multi task (nope, can’t do that.  I mean really Apple WHAT is your problem with Multi-tasking?), like run full applications (nope, can only run iPhone App Store apps).  Hmm…

64gb SSD Hard Drive - Sweet!  Where is the card slot so I can carry around different items and share things?  Oh, still no memory card slot?  (are you sure this isn’t an iPhone?)

Virtual Keyboard AND a smart one too - Alright, this is AWESOME, the keyboard switches to a 10key when I am in a spreadsheet.  Switches back to a QWERTY when I am typing something.  But, the iPad is too heavy and too big to type using my thumbs so I have to hold it in one hand or have a keyboard dock (oh, look they have one of those too) that I now have to lug around with my iPad, which is kind of like a full size computer…  hmmm…  which would have multi tasking on it if I bought one of those.

There are many wonderful things about it.  Honestly, the Newspapers and the magazine subscriptions, the beautiful multi-touch screen, a new way to buy books.  But, I am very underwhelmed with the device.  Looking forward to visiting and Apple store and playing with it and seeing if I am just being biased.  But, this looks like an item that I may be passing on (and I really really hate not getting the latest toys).

Perspective

The world is always the same, but at the same time totally different depending on where you are relative to time and distance. This, my friends, is the very essence of relativity.

I have become in the last 10 years a firm believer that we are in control of our own story, who I am and what I am is determined by my own perspective of my own story.

Look back at your life and determine how you want to describe it, is it fraught with your hardships or is it filled with adventure? Are you the type that talks about glorious moments in time or only about the tragedies? At the end of the day, what does your mind dwell on? What was important to you, what is your story? Who and what you are is determined by that story.

My childhood was filled with very distinct and darkness filled moments, I can point to each and everyone and step into that moments emotions as if it happened yesterday. Some were filled with terror, others darkness and some filled with so many conflicting emotions that my inner soul could only find the smallest darkest corner and hide in silence, in fear that the terror would find me. It took years to be able to coax my soul out and promise her the joys of the world instead of the terror, to learn to dwell in the beauty of the world instead of the hate.

And life goes on…

But, every now and then we are faced with the reminders of the past painful moments in time and you have to deal with the emotions and the moment or you will allow the venom to win.

When I was 17, I was lost in the world. Who I was and what I was going to be was still to be determined. I graduated from High School on night, went to the graduation party at Disneyland and the next morning flew to Japan with my Grandmother.

I was shy, soft spoken, but had a very strong internal core that had been forged by walking through the depths of hell and I was not going to be anyone’s victim. I was not a conformist and I wasn’t going to be manipulated

My grandmother was not a nice person. A sociopath looking to have a Barbie doll she could show off to the world. What happened over the next couple of weeks was hell and manipulation and a true defining of what evil there is in the world hidden behind the façade of someone who is supposed to nurture you and protect you. I was powerless and made to feel worthless. A child lost in a foreign land with the blinders of youth ripped away.

I can look back, I can describe individual moments I can be that lost little child again being told I am worthless, that I am nothing. I can tell you the feeling of being in an airport in a foreign country with no money, alone, my plane 4 hours late, not understanding the language, reading a letter so filled with hate and evil addressed to me and how in moments of pain so intense that it is easier to become nothing.

How in life you make tough choices and decisions where you determine who and what you are going to be and then you become it. It may take you awhile but you become it.

But then you look at perspective. The child then who will always be capture in that moment in time with all those feelings and emotions and the adult now looking back with the eyes and experiences of someone who knows what it takes to live.

My grandmother filled with evil and hate who has caused damage to everyone she has ever touched is now pitiful and lost in the world she created in her head, where her only happiness is to live in a world of hate and therefore she has found her own hell on earth and I pity her.

The adult me looks back at the child and wishes she had made other choices and that she didn’t internalize someone else’s evil as her own, but also knows that pivotal moment allowed me to become who I am and from the perspective of time knows that moment was necessary and that is part of the story of who I am the same way that the positive story of my visit to Mt Fuji with a Japanese family climbing the mountain, making paper art and eating rice on a stick as the perfect blue sky smiled down at me as the mountain rose to its peak covered in snow, how on the drive back we stopped at a stand that made okonomiaki and I laughed in joy at the unusualness of the dish and fell in love with it.

I can remember going with my Japanese friends to their school and sitting in a class of 300 why the instructor spoke in Japanese but something about how he taught was so clear that I was able to understand the meaning behind his lessons, how afterwards we went to pizza hut and I had tuna pizza (yeah, it wasn’t that great) and we stopped at a toilet so my friends could show me the hole in the ground. Joy and laughter and girls being girls.

My favorite moment is an afternoon having tea with an older Japanese woman helped shape me and my life perspectives. We spoke of her life and schooling she introduced me to her father who was a bust made of him where his spirit dwelled and watched over her. How we talked religion and politics and life. How I learned how ignorant I was about so much and how every moment should be about experiencing and learning. How in an afternoon of tea I became so much more than I ever could be if it wasn’t for that single moment in time.

All the same story all related from a different perspective all part of who I am.

Hello Amazon,

I just wanted to share with you how much I adore my Kindle.  I travel over 11 months a year and am constantly on the road, I adore having ‘most’ of my library with me at all times.  It is wonderful.

Now comes the ’suggestions’

1. Management of books - I currently only have about 300 books on my device, these encompass subjects from classics, romance, mystery, to just hmmm…  this looks interesting.  However, they are all in one mass location and I have to sort through them to get to what I want (or even LOSE what I want to read).  at this time I have probably about 20 books that are on my ‘to read’ list but they are all mixed up with my I have referenced or just re-read one of my favorites.  So, what would be nice is the ability to have folders.  Folder that I name (not standard ones).  This will allow me to keep my silly romances away from my business books at the same time as me having a go to folder of books that I want to read.
2. Color screen an back lit screens - This one was kind of interesting, I know that there is a group of people that LIKE the fact their Kindle is like paper and when I said I missed the fact that my screen wasn’t lit, they were surprised and asked me if it would hurt my eyes.  I read books for over 11 months on my iPhone with the lit screen.  I loved the light and I hate nigh lights which are more likely to hurt my eyes.  Going down that path, why not have a color screen?  The world is changing at a rapid pace and electronic books that look like paper is not necessary.  I am already thinking about passing my Kindle on (I just got it for Xmas) in the concept of looking at a Tablet instead.  But, I WANT to stay with Amazon and keep my books with Amazon.  What your company has done and its ability to continuously think of me as a consumer is something that I support.
3. Publishers and them starting to refuse to publish in electronic versions certain books for up to 6 months after the main book is out.  This angers me greatly.  I am more than willing to pay a higher price on an electronic book that just came out in hardback as long as I can read it as soon as it comes out.  Now mind you, there are very few books that I have that feeling with and they all encompass my favorite authors and series.  But, I will not be buying any hardback books and I am refusing to even buy paperback books anymore.  My library at home can not take any more and I am not becoming very picky on what gets kept in physical form these days.
4. 2 GB of space and no additional memory - 300 books is already taking up a lot of space on my Kindle.  I can see 2gb being very quickly consumed before the end of this year.  Does that mean I have to go buy another Kindle?  (yes, I know about on line archiving, but that is everyone’s worse nightmare putting it all into one company and something happening to all your information).  External memory or more memory would be greatly appreciated.
5. Speed of the processor - This one surprised me greatly.  My Kindle is slow.  It is slow at turning a page, it is slow at finding a book and it is slow at opening a book.  Faster processor please.

Now, I am very aware that pretty much everything I described almost calls for a ‘tablet’ style computer (yes, a touch screen would be very nice too) but at the current price of the Kindle you are almost into the Tablet cost and I would support purchasing a Kindle/Tablet/Android item that is focused and branded by Amazon.

Thank you very much for listening and for being a wonderful company,

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2M07a1/www.raptitude.com/2009/07/88-important-truths-ive-learned-about-life//r:t

88 Important Truths I’ve Learned About Life

by David on July 2, 2009

Everyone gets drilled with certain lessons in life.  Sometimes it takes repeated demonstrations of a given law of life to really get it into your skull, and other times one powerful experience drives the point home once forever.  Here are 88 things I’ve discovered about life, the world, and its inhabitants by this point in my short time on earth.

1. You can’t change other people, and it’s rude to try.

2. It is 100 times more difficult to burn calories than to refrain from consuming them in the first place.

3. If you’re talking to someone you don’t know well, you may be talking to someone who knows way more about whatever you’re talking about than you do.

4. The cheapest and most expensive models are usually both bad deals.

5. Everyone likes somebody who gets to the point quickly.

6. Bad moods will come and go your whole life, and trying to force them away makes them run deeper and last longer.

7. Children are remarkably honest creatures until we teach them not to be.

8. If everyone in the show you’re watching is good-looking, it’s not worth watching.

9. Yelling always makes things worse.

10. Whenever you’re worried about what others will think of you, you’re really just worried about what you’ll think of you.

11. Every problem you have is your responsibility, regardless of who caused it.

12. You never have to deal with more than one moment at a time.

13. If you never doubt your beliefs, then you’re wrong a lot.

14. Managing one’s wants is the most powerful skill a person can learn.

15. Nobody has it all figured out.

16. Cynicism is far too easy to be useful.

17. Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours.

18. Whenever you hate something, it hates you back: people, situations and inanimate objects alike.

19. Ralph Waldo Emerson’s works alone can teach you everything you need to know about living with grace and happiness.

20. People embellish everything, as a rule.

21. Anger reveals weakness of character, violence even moreso.

22. Humans cannot destroy the planet, but we can destroy its capacity to keep us alive.  And we are.

23. When people are uncomfortable with the present moment, they fidget with their hands or their minds.  Watch and see.

24. Those who complain the most, accomplish the least.

25. Putting something off makes it instantly harder and scarier.

26. Credit card debt devours souls.

27. Nobody knows more than a minuscule fraction of what’s going on in the world. It’s just way too big for any one person to know it well.

28. Most of what we see is only what we think about what we see.

29. A person who is unafraid to present an unedited version of herself to the world is as rare as diamonds.

30. The most common addiction in the world is the draw of comfort.  It wrecks dreams and breaks people.

31. If what you’re doing feels perfectly safe, there is probably a better course of action.

32. The greatest innovation in the history of humankind is language.

33. Blame is the favorite pastime of those who dislike responsibility.

34. Everyone you meet is better than you at something.

35. Proof is nothing but a collection of opinions that match one’s own.

36. Knowledge is belief, nothing more.

37. Indulging your desires is not self-love.

38. What makes human beings different from animals is that animals can be themselves with ease.

39. Self-examination is the only path out of misery.

40. Whoever you are, you will die.  To know and understand that means you are alive.

41. Revenge is for the petty and irresponsible.

42. Getting truly organized can vastly improve anyone’s life.

43. Almost every cliché contains a truth so profound that people have been compelled to repeat it until it makes you roll your eyes.  But the wisdom is still in there.

44. People cause suffering when they are suffering themselves.  Alleviating their suffering will probably remove their inclination to create it for others.

45. High quality is worth any quantity, in possessions, friends and experiences.

46. The world would be a better place if everyone read National Geographic.

47. If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.

48. Even if it costs no money, nothing is free if it takes time.

49. Emotions exist to make us heavily biased towards or against something.  This hinders as often as it helps.

50. Addiction is a much greater problem in society than it’s made out to be.  It’s present in every person in various forms, but usually we call it something else.

51. “Gut feeling” is not just a euphemism.  Tension in the abdomen speaks volumes about how you truly feel about something, beyond all arguments and rationales.

52. Posture and dress change profoundly how you feel about yourself and how others feel about you, like it or not.

53. Everyone thinks they’re an above average driver.

54. The urge to punish others has much more to do with venting frustration than correcting behavior.

55. By default, people think far too much.

56. If anything is worth splurging on, it’s a high-quality mattress.  You’ll spend a third of your life using it.

57. There is nothing worse than having no friends.

58. To write a person off as worthless is an act of great violence.

59. Try as we might to be otherwise, we are all hypocrites.

60. Justice is a human invention which is in reality rarely achievable, but many will not hesitate to destroy lives demanding it.

61. Kids will usually understand exactly what you mean if you keep it to one or two short sentences.

62. Stuff that’s on sale usually has an annoying downside.

63. Casual swearing makes people sound dumb.

64. Words are immensely powerful.  One cruel remark can wound someone for life.

65. It’s easy to make someone’s day just by being uncommonly pleasant to them.

66. Most of what children learn from their parents isn’t taught on purpose.

67. The secret ingredient is usually butter, in obscene amounts.

68. It is worth re-trying foods that you didn’t like at first.

69. Problems, when they arise, are rarely as painful as the act of fearing them.

70. Nothing — ever — happens exactly like you pictured it.

71. North Americans are generally terrible at accepting compliments and offers of help.

72. There are not enough women in positions of power.  The world has suffered from this deficit for a long time.

73. When you break promises to yourself, you feel terrible.  When you make a habit of it, you begin to hate yourself.

74. A good nine out of ten bad things I worry about never happen.  A good nine out of ten bad things that did happen never occurred to me to worry about.

75. You can’t hide a bad mood from people who know you well, but you can always be polite.

76. Sometimes you have to remove certain people from your life, even if they’re family.

77. Anyone can be calmed in an instant by looking at the ocean or the stars.

78. There is no point finishing a book you aren’t enjoying.  Life is too short for that.  Swallow your pride and put it down for good, unfinished.

79. There is no correlation between the price of a brand of batteries and how long they last.

80. Breaking new ground only takes a tiny amount more effort than you’re used to giving.

81. Life is a solo trip, but you’ll have lots of visitors.  Some of them are long-term, most aren’t.

82. One of the best things you can do for your kids is take them on road trips.  I’m not a parent, but I was a kid once.

83. The fewer possessions you have, the more they do for you.

84. Einstein was wiser than he was intelligent, and he was a genius.

85. When you’re sick of your own life, that’s a good time to pick up a book.

86. Wishing things were different is a great way to torture yourself.

87. The ability to be happy is nothing other than the ability to come to terms with how things change.

88. Killing time is an atrocity.  It’s priceless, and it never grows back.

As I left my home in the Arizona White Mountains to drive to Albuquerque to catch my plane, I decided to try the road that my GPS is always telling me is the faster way to go. It is a series of back roads that cut through the Zuni Nation and up across the Continental Divide before passing the Ice Cave and heading to the main highway (I-40).

As I made the turn towards the New Mexico border the temperatures dropped to 23 degrees but all around me the Upper Desert sky was a crisp blue and the red rocks of the desert appeared to be something you would see in CGI not in the reality of the world we live in today.

There were several thoughts that ran through my mind on that 4 hour drive. Not only the beauty of the upper dessert but an appreciation for the caretaking that the Zuni people give to the mother earth. The entire area of the Four Corners is mineral rich and the land could earn billions of dollars for the selling of the mineral rights alone. Around Arizona and New Mexico you can see places where the land is stripped by slowly tearing mountains down and processing the land to pull the minerals from the soil, leaving behind dead earth and scars upon the land. But the Zuni Nation is untouched by mans machines and chemicals allowing you to catch a glimpse of what the Americas must have looked like prior to the White Man’s quest for land and money.

As I continued the drive I caught glimpses of mountains created by volcanoes and sculpted by the sea and ice flows with snow creating the perfect piece of art, painted there as if by a dream. It was a four hour drive that passed as if but a single breath was taken in and then released and I had to turn onto the I-40 and drive back to the land of modern technology.

I love my ‘toys’ and I am an electronics geek constantly marveling and acquiring the latest and greatest gadgetry. But, as I drove through the Zuni’s land I was reminded that technology is but a momentary pleasure that gives me a false sense that I am ‘living’ but truly living is stopping the car and getting rid of all the man made gadgetry and walking into the mountains and stopping and creating with my own hands and imagination and feeling the breath flowing through the body and the wind touching the skin and truly feeling.

I believe that when I go back home I need to take the time to stop and hike through the Zuni nation and reconnect with what is important.

Alliance
by Maya Stein

“You have to make an alliance with your anguish,” he said,
“not wage war against it.” And I thought of all the fists
I had shaken at misfortune: games lost
because the shot clock ran out,
a good meal scorched in a forgotten oven,
money dropped on a dress worn only once,
the bully in 6th grade, the math test in 9th,
the wrong outfit at Halloween.
But of course, this isn’t what he meant.

If I were brave enough, I’d tell you how my heart
has raged for love, stretched thin as a high wire.
If I were brave enough, I’d tell you
how my body has been fighting to stay upright
on every precipitous downhill the city
throws at it. If I were brave enough,
I’d climb into your lap and weep with longing.
All I can say is that any attempt at beauty and hope
is land-mined with failure.
And so the perilous track-making begins.
Wending our way through,
there are possible clutches at sunlight, at windows, at yes.
We are each of us inches from death.
We are each of us inches from life.
We are each of us inches from one another.

As Kitten and I fell into infinity, we heard everything.  All of time, all of life all of the universe all singing at one time.  It was like the time we went swimming and the whales were singing off in the distance, it surrounded us and vibrated through us and we just knew.  It was beautiful as the song wove around and through us, it all made sense in that single moment in time.  Then the color, every color all at once all painted around us like we were swimming in a swirling sea of color.  It was even more intense and beautiful than watching the star being born.  As I started to fly through it, Kitten sat up and started humming with the tune and swirling her fingers through the colors and started to paint pictures in the fabric of infinity.