I am a Writer

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I am a writer, not a fancy one and not a formal one. But, that is how I deal with the world around me, I write. I was just reading a blog on Jonathan Carroll about a friend of his who is a painter and found a box of their items which was 20 years old. They were afraid to open it to find out how ‘bad’ they really were back then. But, when they opened the box… At this point you expect me to tell you how pleasantly surprised they were by their brilliance. Instead they were disappointed by the work and where they were in their life.

For me, when I go back and read old journals, whether a year ago or 30 years ago, I am more amazed about what I wrote. Who is/was that person who wrote such poignant items with so much simplicity that even after all these years the words echo through my soul and resonate through me. Sometimes it is the twanging of the memory and other times it is just the beauty of the world.

But, strangely whenever I try to write, I can’t create the form or the base of the story to build upon. It is a fleeting moment, feeling and expression that lands on the paper. But, I can’t get the characters to whisper to me the rest of the story.

Posted on February 20th 2007 in MsTiara's Thoughts

When did I become this person again

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I am currently working on my budgets for my project and clearing out the numbers and closing off last year’s information while prepping the new project. There was this moment when I looked at the bottom line and my brain did that whole mental perspective shift. I was looking at it from the child who is within us all. You know the one? She/he is the one that was told what they could/could not do, who they were going to be when they grow up and the one who has all of the expectations (or non) that their parents and teachers heaped upon them. That little girl looked at the number and wondered how in the world did she get to this place where not only does someone believe that she can manage it all, but that she believes she can do it herself.

So, when did I go from being insecure to it being second nature?

Posted on February 1st 2007 in MsTiara's Thoughts
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