“If you can’t take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It’s not safe out here. It’s wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it’s not for the timid.”
Q (Star Trek: The Next Generation, episode “Q Who?”)
Getting all dressed up, trying to make sure that my clothes looked sexy, innocent and pleasing. I had bought a pair of red heals just for you. My girlfriend and I played with my makeup till it was perfect, giggling all the while. We kept on making cute comments back and forth about you. I was so excited, giggly, acting like I was 13 and you were my first date.
But you didn’t call when you said you would.
I walked the apartment fidgeting. I took off my shoes, looked at the clock, and pretended to my friend that I was okay, that a part of my child wasn’t dying inside. But she knew.
An hour went by, I took off my stocking, removed my skirt, put of my pajamas. How many times did I check the clock, read my email, tried to see if you were online?
Two hours pas the time you said, its midnight now. I feel very small, my heart is bleeding, my child is crying. I say nothing. My friend comes and sits next to me, she pets my hair. What can she say?
I make excuses for you. I lie down on the bed, she sits at the computer. As I start off into space, trying not to think, you call. I kindle my enthusiasm, I brighten up, excited again. Yet a part of that feeling of sexiness, power, joy is extinguished. From that moment on, every time I am due to see you, I wonder, “Will he kill another part of me off again?” Can I ever let my child hope? Wish? Play? Or do I have to keep her in her glass shell, afraid to let her out around you because you have the power to do so much damage, so carelessly.
Days, months, years go by and you still treat my child so carelessly, even after all this time.
Is it no wonder I am reserved around you?
So, I am having a test at the Doctors office, the technician is making me laugh and we are trading Eddie Izzard jokes back and forth. THEN, they mention that he was going to be in town on Monday. I am shocked! He wasn’t due into town until June 9th (sold out) and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be in Dallas. I thought they were teasing me. So, as I am having my test, the other technician goes on line and tells me they have 4th row center tickets! Now I want you to picture this… It is an hour stress echo test so I am running on a treadmill, in a gown and wires and I am out of breath, slightly sweaty and I am offering up my credit card to the technician for her to purchase me Eddie Izzard tickets!
LOL, I got my ticket and I am seeing Eddie Izzard on Monday night. SWEET!
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
It shocks me to this day that people don’t believe in evolution. Intelligent people, ones I find technologically advanced. And yet, if you ask them, they say quite emphatically, no! I ask, ‘is it religious?’ Some will admit that it is, others will hem and haw and just say ‘no, I just don’t believe that the complexity of humans can happen without a designer.’
I follow up, I ask about DNA, viruses, changes in human height… They acknowledge those items, but say they cannot believe. I find it surprising that it is easier to believe in a non-defined being, magically creating us from a thought than nature over millions/billions of years producing the creatures that populate the planet.
I remember the first time I met someone who didn’t believe in evolution, I was in my mid 30’s. I was on a boat in the middle of the Great Barrier Reef, watching the whales. She was a young girl, 16, and she just didn’t believe. It was part of her religion. There was no communication on the subject, no discussion, just ‘no, there is no such thing because God created all of us.’ From that one simple moment in time, I have started to focus on this concept and read about it and the background. I am still flabbergasted about it.
Well of course they are, they are energy. Just like you and I. I think of it like this…
You and I. We were part of the collective consciousness of the universe before time. We were pure energy and we were together/one along with the soul pets, which really are us. Then as the world(s) started to form into physical forms, we wanted to experience and grow and enjoy. But we couldn’t do it with all the knowledge we had as part of the collective consciousness. We needed to let that go for us to truly experience the physical form. So we learned, enjoyed and have decided to manifest into multiple life times and sometimes at the same time. However the soul pets are our ‘connection’ to the collective consciousness, the reality of our souls. They can even visit the different ‘us’ in the different physical forms/times that we may be experiencing right now. However, we have to focus on this physical time and being for us to truly enjoy it.
LOL, does any of that make sense?
Light is an amazing thing, it changes mood and perspective by you just sitting for a moment and absorbing it into your soul. Stop; breathe it in, let the colors play over you.
I have always found the cities/places that I enjoy the most based upon the quality of the light. From the bright, rich colors of my home in Arizona to the diffused painted colors of Versailles. I remember being in the countryside of England, at a castle there, where it was cold, misty, and a slight drizzle coming down. But, the colors and blending of the light still stays with me and changes me entirely.
Memory comes from so many different places. Sound, smell, and visualizations; Can anyone forget that moment on vacation where you step out into the sun and it heats you to your bones and all of the tension leaves your body? Then the bright gold/red of the sun sparkling like diamonds against the blue of the sea, a color you can’t describe and have never seen before. Hours can be spent observing the ever changing light, the colors changing and re-arranging, imprinting themselves on you, till you are no longer the same as you were before.
I love going to the Grand Canyon and sitting in awe and feeling small and non-existent against and overwhelming color richness that you either reflect as part of you or disappear into oblivion against.
As I sit and write this, I am outside of St. Louis, looking out over the marshlands. A soft blue light of the sky against the golden marshlands, slowly brightening up and becoming crisper and sharper as the sun ascends the sky.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4075302
The story can be played via a link on this website or you can go to iTunes and search for George Foreman and Hidden Kitchen
As I listened to this story, I kept on trying to place myself in the position of living on the streets and trying to be innovative enough to find a way to feed myself and still have the humanity and hope that these people show.
I have always believed that life is about living. That if you are sitting in a situation whether work or relationships where you are unhappy than it is up to you to change it. You are no one’s victim unless that is what you make of yourself. If you don’t like it or you aren’t getting what you need out of it, then it is up to you to change it. But remember, you can’t run away from yourself.
But, as I listened to this, I found a group of people who were making the best out of what they had. No it wasn’t money, and it wasn’t status and it wasn’t ‘things’. The cooking and finding a way to cook was just a mechanism to life. I wonder if I could be the same if I was in that situation or would I be the type to complain about the whole thing as I move forward.
I have always found myself as the type to take control. I can be quite happy alone in my own world, I choose the people I hang with very carefully so that I am enjoying the time and energy. Nothing fancy, no bigness in the people, but just being. Could I be in that world? Should I be glad that I don’t have to decide?
Then I heard this amazing story:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4165045
The story can be played via a link on this website or you can go to iTunes and search for Hidden Kitchen and Wild Rice
A story about an Indian Nation where 60% of the population lives in poverty and unemployed, but once again each moment and everything they do is filled with joy and beauty. They live off the land and the land provides for them.
I think it is a good reminder about being true to the soul and the beauty of the world.
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, “Will you marry me?” The girl said “No!” and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on
The End
When I was a young girl I saw a rabbit in the moon even though everyone else insisted it was a man in the moon (all the books I read talked about the man, but all I could ever see was the rabbit).
I had a great imagination as a child. I could see the airplane that crashed in the canyon that led down to the beach; the shadows at night had faces and voices, some were scary demons, but others were my friends.
As we grow older, that ability to see is slowly trained out of us until we have to face the reality of the world rather than the amazing things we can see with our eyes and our minds. I wish that instead of being told what is and is not, that our teaches trained us to see more wisely with the imagination.
http://cabinet-of-wonders.blogspot.com/2008/01/shapes-of-things-we-see.html#links
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_rabbit
Can you see the rabbit in the moon?
