MsTiara’s Thoughts

Note: I am 39 years old and this is MY VIEW OF THE WORLD. I am not a doctor and I can only write about my thoughts and experiences.

So a bit of clarification…

Hysterectomy is the 2nd most performed surgery on women in the United States, almost every web site I went to was trying to talk you into alternatives. Those alternatives were drugs and a whole bunch of other surgeries to be performed prior to trying for the hysterectomy. One web site made it a point of going out to every website about hysterectomy and making comments about how your sexuality will be destroyed and it is criminal for doctors to perform a hysterectomy on you.

I remember being in Junior High and the pain being so intense around my period time that I would pass out from it. I remember tons of tests on my brain, chiropractor appointments and OB/Gyn appointments when I was 13 to be told that it was all in my head. Okay, clarify that the OB/Gyn was actually good and put me on birth control pills because he thought it was ovarian cysts and endometriosis. This was in the early 80’s and not very many people knew much about Endo. When I was 22, they finally came out with the laparoscopy surgery for the Endometriosis and I not only had it, but they cut some of the nerves (on purpose to my back) to help with the pain. This worked for a very long time until the endo started to come back and the cysts started to get so bad again that one time I actually thought I was having appendicitis but instead it was a cyst. Add onto that a series of positive pap smears and every 3 months a continuous stream of OB/GYN appointments, biopsies, freezing cervix and pain. Did I mention the pain?

The week leading into the surgery you have to stop taking your pain killers, which means no more Advil. Now I have been taking Advil on a continuous basis since I was 13, it’s a rare day that I would not have some. The week leading into the surgery, I was in a lot of pain. A constant ache in my ovaries, unable to get comfy, headaches, backaches (blah, blah, blah…) The day of the surgery I was able to move around, walk up and down stairs. By the next day, I was only on Advil for pain killers. 2 days out I was wondering if the Doctor took out all of the body parts because I hadn’t felt that good in I don’t know how long. I am still on Advil, but a lot lower dosage than before.

Following the Surgery you will have depression, feelings of loss and feel like you have lost your sexuality.

It’s been two and a half weeks now, I don’t feel like anything is missing at all. To tell the absolute truth I feel exactly like I felt before minus the pain. I don’t feel like body parts are missing and I don’t feel empty. A lot of people talked about feeling empty after the surgery. In regards to sexuality? I have actually felt more sexual feelings on a daily basis than I did before, like my nerves are all fired up. It’s a good feeling except for not being able to have sex and no one to have sex with.

You will realize that you can’t have kids and it will hit you like a wave of depression, you will end up crying and mourning the kids, this will occur even if you thought you never wanted kids at all.

Okay, I never wanted kids. I can remember being a little girl and the whole baby doll thing? Nope, not for me, didn’t want to hold the babies, definitely didn’t want to baby sit them.

I have found that the world has a great synchronicity. When I had made the decision to have the surgery, I found out that my roommate was pregnant. I mean literally within 24 hours this happened. As I talked to her, and saw the sonograms, I kept on waiting for the feeling to hit me, the wonder, the need to create a child in my body and I felt nothing. It wasn’t there. Following the surgery, I stayed with the Doctor and her family which included 3 children, then went and spent thanksgiving with a total of 7 kids. If I didn’t want kids before this would have definitely turned me off of it. I think there is a relief now in knowing that I don’t want them and my body will never betray me by giving them to me.

Hormones will go out of whack and you will go into surgical menopause. You will have depression, possible dementia, and gain a TON of weight.

Now this one is a bit harder one and was actually one that scared me the most about my decision. But, I decided to go for it and the information out there is as confusing as the following words.

I have only been at it 2 ½ weeks, please note that your body needs to go through it’s stored levels prior to you having a CLUE what is going on with your hormones. How long does this take? Not a clue, cause no one can really tell you and I am not sure that they know. I figured about 6 weeks, which is the recommendation that everyone has that if you DO switch hormones out that you give it six weeks for your body to adjust to the changes you have made.

TO HRT or to Not HRT that is the question. I was only 39 years old and I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t want to put my body through chemicals for the rest of its life. I wasn’t going to do it actually, after talking to my doctor she was very clear. If you don’t replace the Estrogen, your body will do what it can to make the Estrogen, this includes creating a fat layer around your tummy which the body will use to make a ‘form’ of estrogen. This form, even though it is made by the body, is not the optimal type and can cause long term health effects. You need Estrogen!

Premarin, natural, or bio-identical and what about all those scary studies?

Well first, Premarin is Horse Urine and your body has to convert it into Estrogen and that is a whole lot of work for the body to do. All those scary studies have been done on Premarin and please note that it is at double the amount that a normal person would consume. We all know that your body doesn’t like too much or too little, balance is what is important.

Second, in regards to the whole subject, “I am going to go with natural and what is available at the health food store in comparison to a prescription?” Sigh, this one was hard for me to take since I am SUCH a naturalist. The reality of the situation is as follows: Bio-identical are made from natural, plant based ingredients like soy. The stuff you buy over the counter is expensive, not covered by your insurance and not regulated. For people who know me and know that I hate the pharmaceutical industry, that was a very hard sentence to write, but that is the reality of the situation.

So, ERT (Estrogen Replacement Therapy), my doctor slapped on a Climara patch the moment I was out of surgery, the funny thing is that is the only thing I remember from the recovery stage is her telling me about the patch she just placed on my hip. It is good for one week, thin, and nearly transparent. Her recommendation following that one week was to go on the pills. I did the pills for one week where I had no ‘Hot Flashes’ but definitely was feeling the night sweats or I should say the getting really hot at night and having to kick off the covers. After one week of that, I decided to go onto the patch. Now my experience with the patch was kind of interesting. I had done Ortho Evra (my preference for B/C) which is a thin, beige, sticker that you put on your body. Yep, you can see it and yep it leaves gooey marks where the sticky stuff gets dirty on the edges. I had already seen the Climara patch so I knew what I was getting into. My pharmacy automatically switched out the prescription for generic (no worries I thought, I don’t mind generic). I opened up the package and EEK! Oh my! Well let’s say that if I had to wear THAT for the next 5 years, yeah I would be depressed. About 2 inches around, and looks like Mole Skin that you put on your feet and has PRINTING all over the patch. Umm, discreet it is NOT! (sorry, as you can see this was not a very good experience.) After calling up my pharmacist that morning and telling him I had to have name brand on the patch and explaining to him that it is vanity and nothing at all to do with the medicine, I can happily report that I do not have any more night sweats and I am wearing something that you really can’t noticeably see.

Messing with your hormones: Just don’t do it! You just had major body parts removed from your body and we are talking about ones that create vital nutrients/hormones that regulate appetite, heart, immune system, brain function, and over all physical well being and that is the short list. Do not go on HRT therapy and visit the ‘women’s health’ aisle at your local health food store and start picking up things that look like they will help. OTC forms of Estrogen are still forms of Estrogen even if they aren’t regulated and can mess with your already regulated hormones. When you choose your women’s health vitamins, make sure that they are compatible with HRT, don’t start taking a daily vitamin that messes with Estrogen, Progesterone or Testosterone. Do your research on your herbs to see if it isn’t a natural form of the hormone that you are taking. Work with someone who has a LOT of experience with these things, talk to a compound pharmacist for advice and remember any change to hormones takes time to take effect.

This of course leads me into symptoms or side effects:

Night Sweats: Oh yes, in the middle of the night you get hot and then you kick off the down comforter and you get cold. Now the problem with this one is it is the change of the season to begin with and I ALWAYS get hot under my down comforter (it is nice and plush and cuddly) so is it estrogen or is it not? After changing to the patch I had my first night not getting hot. Please note that I did not have the serious night sweats where I soaked my pillow and bed.

Hot Flashes: Nope, haven’t had one yet (yay) but then again I do have about 3 ½ weeks for my body to deplete it’s hormone store so… Knock on wood?

Depression: Nope, I am feeling pretty good and optimistic about things, haven’t even had a big tear breakdown moment. Of course in the week leading up to it I did but I am going to put that on stress.

Sexuality: I will not go into Too Much Information (TMI) but you can’t have penetration for 6 weeks (or until your doctor clears), however they do recommend masturbation since it will keep your vagina flexible. To date, I don’t seem to have any issues with sensation and I could even say that it is more intense and pleasurable than before.

Weight Gain: I haven’t actually seen this yet since it has only been 2 ½ weeks and my body is still getting rid of the inflammation. But, I did try Progesterone for 3 days and I couldn’t stop eating. I mean it was a serious give me carbs now or my body would hate me type of thing. I quickly removed the progesterone and am back to eating normally.

Dementia, heart attack, stroke and throw everything else into this bucket: These are the items that you just don’t know until long term about what your body will do. Will I lose my hair? Will my skin become a mess? Will I die? Okay, well we all die so maybe this one isn’t realistic. I will continue to eat well and take care of myself and go from there.

What they don’t tell you.

Bleeding: So you have the surgery and you think that you are all done bleeding and the next thing you know you have this bright red blood that looks like a period. After you worry about over doing it and call your doctor, you find out that is normal and you can continue to bleed for the first several weeks. But no one tells you why. First, if you had everything removed through the vagina, they removed your cervix and put a whole lot of stitches to create the vagina cuff. Those stitches are healing and could break and bleed. A bit of blood is not a bad thing, a lot of blood you need to visit the doctor. But, the other thing is that there could have been scrapes on the vagina wall and little tiny scabs that can move and break off and have light bleeding.

Intestines Moving: So, they remove all of these body parts and your insides have to readjust into the areas that have opened up. I felt no pain the first week at all. The second week, I started to feel some stretching and a bit of tugs, part of the stitches inside I thought. The third week, I can feel my intestines and food moving around and pushing against some of the sorer areas of the former ovary area. Sitting up all day and not lying down doesn’t make it pleasant as all those body parts sit on where the parts were removed.

Support: Basically having a hysterectomy is a touchy subject to a lot of people. Not something you tell the whole world about and even the few people you tell don’t know what to say to you. They have a lot of pre-conceived notions about it and to tell you the truth, you won’t match those notions or experiences. I am young, I look healthy, I am moving around perfectly and I just don’t look like I had major surgery so no sympathy. The other thing is even those that you are close to and can talk to, they don’t want to talk about the small things that you are going through, it is all about it being outside of their realm of experiences.

Final thoughts

I think the most important piece to take away is this whole experience is what you make of it. Not what other people think or believe, but what you believe and who and what you are. If you are a calm, stable, intelligent person than that is what you are going to continue to be and if you are prone to being emotional than you are probably going to have those feelings even more intensified as you go through the experience. I have always believed that the only person that is responsible for my health is me and I do believe that made a big difference in this whole situation.