MsTiara’s Thoughts

There is a mist so thick you can’t see anything but shadows moving. No sound, no thought. I move among the mist formless. Tall and lithe with hair down to my knees a straight blondish brown. My face is calm, perfect but not beautiful and not full of life but serene. I have seen life, I have seen death. I wander the path between times, stopping and listening as I go, but nothing captures me. Am I a goddess or a druidess, I do not know. Maybe a princess of the Tuatha danaan, knowledgeable about the vibrations of life but never experiencing it.

As I wander through the gray shadows of time, I catch a voice, I glimpse a golden light. I hide in the depths of the shadows to watch from the heart of a tree who shines lighter for the time I link with it. I see on a rock a young man with hair as dark as the night and eyes as green as the tree’s leaves I am bound too. As I watch I see kids at his feet and couples gathered around him listening to the stories he tells and the songs he sings. As he speaks I feel his energy move out and twine with mine linking us.

He looks toward the tree and I swear he can see me even though I am only a sprit. I hear his voice in my head “sweet goddess, come and walk with me under the moonlight and share your story with me. I shall meet you by the standing stone as the sun sets and breathes it’s last breath across the land.”

I whisper back into his head, “to see the Tuatha is to forever be bound to seeing things that humans are not meant to see. Are you sure?”

“I can already see you so it is something that is meant to be.”

As he finished his story, the bard smiled to his audience and they all laughed in delight as he waved good bye.

I continued to watch the people as they talked and laughed amongst themselves and for a moment I envied them even though their lives would be so short, but a breath to me in my life. But the joy they showed in those moments…

As the sun breathed its last breath across the land and the full moon showed its face to the world, I stepped from the path of the time before time into the world of now. As I came into form, I heard the sigh of the bard as he stepped into the moons light.

“You came, you are not another dream.” He said.

“Who are you?” I queried, “that I could feel you outside the rhythms of life?”

“So the gods and goddesses don’t know all?” He said

“I can tell you the past and the future, I can take you to anywhere in the universe and I can merge with anything that has life. But, I can’t place you and yet I know you better than I know myself and I don’t know why.” I said.

At these words he reached out his hand and touched my cheek and our energy blended and I knew. I just knew.

We spent that day and night and many years walking and talking. I taught him the paths of the Tuatha and he taught me life. As years went by and our friendship became but words for we were truly one, his physical body that he chose in that lifetime aged and I stayed the same. I tried to talk him into no longer aging and to come and live with me outside of time. But he would now. He said that life was about living and therefore about dying, that he chose to manifest in human form to experience the joys and disappointments of this life. As his time in the physical world drew to an end, he and I sat against the trees in the sacred Tuatha white oak grove. Around me were my ancestors and their energy surrounding me, he asked if in the next lifetime if I would like to join him to experience what it meant to be in physical form.

I feared that I was not strong enough, that if I couldn’t find him or he couldn’t fine me that I wouldn’t be able to make it through the emotions of being alive.

He looked at me with his beautiful eyes, now worn from age but still filled with the beauty of his soul, “we are one, bonded since before time began and bonded till there is nothing more. We will always find each other no matter what or when or how. But, it is makes you feel better we will bond our physical beings together here in this sacred grove.” From his pocket he took two perfect earrings each wrapped with the silver white oaks and kissed by the sun and cried upon by the moon and blessed by the starts. He handed me one and I held the other. He reached out and placed the point on my right ear and I placed mine on his left and we each pressed down at the same time and linked our physical life forces for all eternity.

Deep inside the forest there flows a stream that is far away from the concrete and steel world that most people call home. As I sit on the rock that has been worn away over the many years to fit perfectly to me, I dangle my feet into the water. There is something so amazingly peaceful about sitting inside this world of green velvet that is made up of the trees and the grass on the forest floor. The sun filters through the trees in waves of gold and hits the water as it slowly flows by every now and then moving over or around a rock in its path creating a bit of silver before it continues on its way.

Around me is the music of the forest as a slight breeze ruffles the leaves and a bird flies from one perch to another and the stream continues its music. I gaze off into the distance as I sit there and slowly connect to the patterns of the forest. A rustling occurs in the forest across from me and a pure white unicorn steps out of the shadows and looks at me with its aquamarine eyes. It dips its head and steps to the stream and takes a drink from the stream before turning and disappearing back from where it came.

As I sit and breathe in the peace around me, fluttering in the distance captures my attention and as I watch a large grouping of butterflies comes toward me and if I listen closely I can hear the sounds of their laughter and joy as they brush on by. A slight smile touches my face.

As I have to go back to the world of concrete and steel I take the sound of the laughter of the butterflies and place it into my memory to pull out when I forget what really matters in the world around me.

Have you ever woken up one day and realized that you had somehow switched universes and you aren’t sure how you got there? All of a sudden you are scrambling around trying to come to terms with the new universe and the rules that you find there. What was once black is now white and what was once white is now black.

You look around and you try to understand the place and you try to fit into a world that lives by completely different rules. Where once you were the norm, you are now the freak. So you look at your values and your philosophies and you start to adjust them here and there to fit in. But all you do is fail and just cause more confusion. Till you sit along the side of the road watching the world go by and decide that it is time for a reset of your perspective. But perspective resets aren’t easy. Along the way you kind of blast outwards and touch all of the people around you with your change until they are all slightly singed.

Sigh, that sure didn’t work. You don’t like the person you are when you look into the mirror each day as you start to fit in more and more with everyone’s perspective.

So, you look inside and you look outside and you determine that if this is the universe that I am going to live in then I need to make some decisions on who and what I am going to be.

There were elements that I really enjoyed before I got to this place and there pieces that I could do without. But, as I got rid of the pieces that I could do without it left me vulnerable and insecure and instead of settling I went to far on the changes and lost some of the important elements of me.

Now it is time to step back and rebalance who I am. For once, not redefine but rebalance.

From this day forward I am making my own Universe and if someone wants to come play in it, they can play by MY rules for once.

I am a creature of Light and I refuse to take your darkness and insecurities into my Soul

I am a creature of Laughter and I refuse to allow your world to cause me to despair.

I am a creature of Beauty and I refuse to allow your ugliness to paint me with your brush.

I am a creature of Dreams and I refuse to allow your nightmares to color my world.

I am a creature of Hope and I refuse to allow your reality to kill it off.

I am a creature of Love and I will not allow your hate to kill me.

This is my universe filled with dreams, laughter, love, beauty, hope and light. I walk away from the darkness and despair of your universe and step into my own.

This morning the Goddess woke up, took a nice leisurely bath, and went outside onto her front porch to read the Sunday paper. Her house is hidden away in the woods on the other side of our dreams. It is a beautiful cottage, rustic in nature that seems to have grown from the woods around rather than have been built by hand. The very walls seem to breathe and have roots and it is those roots that allow the Goddess to interconnect with the world which we call reality.

As she sat drinking her tea and breathing in the air around and the wind seemed to caress her skin, she was at peace. Until she started to read… Then slowly tears fell down her cheeks to land on the newsprint. How, she wonders, can people cause so much pain and display so much anger in such violent ways? I gave to the world everything they needed to live, to love, and to be happy. But, they had to pervert it, they had to destroy it, it wasn’t good enough for them. So now the world is crying out and shrieking in anger. Trying to find its way back to the natural pattern of life. But, it cannot for when the humans started breaking the molecular pattern, when they started to play as gods they started the slow destruction of the natural order and patterns of things. And once the bond has been broken it can never be re-forged.

She turns the page and reads about people who will kill themselves and take out hundreds of others, just to prove they are right. How do you reason with the unreasonable? She wonders aloud. She turns another page and reads about a son killing his parents just because they wouldn’t give him what he thought was his “goddess” given right, the right to a toy. When did life become less than a toy she wonders?

As the tears continued to drop silently from her eyes, she looks up to the peace of her forest and wonders why she should even care about those people when they do not know how to care for themselves. She ponders what she should do as the “mother” of the earth and whether or not her caretaking should include the humans who are so bent on destruction or if she should just let the earth reclaim itself. As she closes the paper and it disappears so do her tears. For the cares of the world are gone as easy as wiping the paper away from her memory. She finishes her tea and slowly starts to walk into the forest murmuring words of love and wisdom to her trees. She has given the world all she could and now it is up to it to find its own way and so she walks away and the memories of our hate and ugliness no longer touch her.