Utsonomiya – Japan (The Black Swan)

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Early morning, about 5am and I couldn’t sleep as jet lag was forcing my eyes open and my brain awake. As the sun rose over the city I started walking along the streets, following the paths, a small hotel map that showed a green area with a lake. The quietness and the foreignness of the environment wrapping around me and into my soul and I walked along the pristine clean sidewalks, bright colors, foreign characters, wondering where I was at and walking in the quiet and thinking.

I am sure I was thinking of something, my mind spinning a story, lost inside of whatever phase of life I chose to be in that moment of time. I am sure whatever story I was telling/living in my head was made to make me feel special, appreciated, understood. Yet, that story is no longer in my head, which I was in that moment in time is gone. All I vaguely remember is the walk.

I finally came to the lake, a path meandering around the lake that now had a blue sky over it and people walking along its paths, cherry trees blossoming all around the lake, delicate pink and white petals fluttering in the wind, swans swimming across the surface. As I wandered and watched the white swans gliding along in pairs, wishing I had the one, the love of my life with me holding my hand and sharing this moment with me, a blur caught my eye and as I watched two black swans swimming in unison floated in front of me. Pure magic and beauty before me, the moment captured in my memory, my breath caught in awe as the moment snapped to perfection and crystallized in absolute detail. This was ‘ life’ and the rest of ‘whatever’ was going on with people, emotions, thoughts was all nothing.

Time has passed, 10 maybe 14 years and I don’t even remember when the moment happened. Did I see a Shinto shrine while I was walking, climbing the hand carved stairs to the top to taste the water of life as it flowed up from the earth and flowed over the stones into the basin below. Was that the time my friends and I went for onomoyiaki (Japanese Pizza) and sat on the tatami mats and ordered our mix by clucking like chickens, mooing like cows and drinking saki, plum wine and laughing. Was that the time when I met one of my soul friends for the first time and we drove to the airport in the bus and stopped at the road side stand and had the worst chocolate ice cream ever? I don’t remember as none of those moments in time connect with that single one, that perfect snapshot in time. Sadly, one that had been eroded by time, lost in other memories and thoughts till this morning as I was brushing my teeth looking out over the pond here in Dallas and I saw the white swan swimming along, alone, in the water as the sunrise rose above the trees. Then the moment came back to me, the time when I saw the Black Swans and wishing they would fly as a pair and take me with them to their mountain home to swim in the lake with them and my one as the breeze blew…

Posted on July 1st 2009 in MsTiara's Thoughts, Travel, Writing

NaNoWriMo

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The month of November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), it is a challenge to people who want to write a novel to write a 50,000 word novel in one month’s time frame (November 1st – November 30th). The website http://www.nanowrimo.org/ describes it as:

What is NaNoWriMo?

National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It’s all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that’s a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

As you spend November writing, you can draw comfort from the fact that, all around the world, other National Novel Writing Month participants are going through the same joys and sorrows of producing the Great Frantic Novel. Wrimos meet throughout the month to offer encouragement, commiseration, and—when the thing is done—the kind of raucous celebrations that tend to frighten animals and small children.

In 2006, we had over 79,000 participants. Nearly 13,000 of them crossed the 50k finish line by the midnight deadline, entering into the annals of NaNoWriMo superstardom forever. They started the month as auto mechanics, out-of-work actors, and middle school English teachers. They walked away novelists.

So, to recap:

What: Writing one 50,000-word novel from scratch in a month’s time.

Who: You! We can’t do this unless we have some other people trying it as well. Let’s write laughably awful yet lengthy prose together.

Why: The reasons are endless! To actively participate in one of our era’s most enchanting art forms! To write without having to obsess over quality. To be able to make obscure references to passages from our novels at parties. To be able to mock real novelists who dawdle on and on, taking far longer than 30 days to produce their work.

When: Sign-ups begin October 1, 2007. Writing begins November 1. To be added to the official list of winners, you must reach the 50,000-word mark by November 30 at midnight. Once your novel has been verified by our web-based team of robotic word counters, the partying begins.

Still confused? Just visit the How NaNoWriMo Works page!

Those who know me and love me know that I have always wanted to be a writer since I was a little girl, but have always kept it inside of me, never thinking that I was any good, never trying so that I could never fail. I keep on visiting this page, wanting to sign up, but so afraid of failing, so afraid that if I put myself out there that I will find out that I am not very good at all. The concept of that it is better to have a hidden dream than to put it out in the world and find out you are a failure.

My whole life I have just been good at things and then everything else seems to fall into place. My job was one of those things that just happened and my success isn’t about trying or doing it is just because. But, writing… Writing is something that you have to put your soul into, you have to listen to the voices inside of your head, you have to TRY and then you have to learn to let it all go and just BE, a very scary thing for a perfectionist.

Over the last several months I have been reading Neil Gaiman’s Journal ( http://www.neilgaiman.com/journal ) and his journal has encouraged my writing a lot. He talks about how he doesn’t know the whole story, how it twists and turns and sometimes surprises him and he is excited to read the next part of the story himself because he wonders how it will turn out. Neil is amazing, because he is a real person, who happens to write stories that are popular. He loves what he does. It isn’t about being great or bad, it is just what comes out of his head. I think that is how I want to be able to write.

Many of my friends are writers/authors and have considered themselves as such their whole lives. My writing always seems so very simple, lacks complexity, I don’t know that it isn’t very interesting? But, whenever I go back and read it, I am always amazed at what I wrote and it’s messages hidden away that I never even realized I had written.

Sigh, I guess I am trying to find the courage to sign up for the NaNoWriMo, 2 more days to decide.

Posted on October 29th 2007 in MsTiara's Thoughts, Writing
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